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Robot Holocaust | Norris Culf, Nadine Hartstein | Deep in the Power Station Lays the Pleasure Machine.
 
 


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 Robot Holocaust  

Robot Holocaust
Norris Culf, Nadine Hartstein

Wizard Video, 1987

average customer review:based on 4 reviews
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The best worst movie ever...

Theres nothing like a post-apocalyptic movie starring New Yorks centrtal park as the "desolate wastelands".


Deep in the Power Station Lays the Pleasure Machine.

Robot Holocaust, is about a sinister and totally hot chick named Valaria who has a sexy, foreign accent. She works for someone named "Doc Juan" . She promises to take us to someplace called "the Womb of Questions" and introduce us to worlds of pain. She's often busy torturing people. "Weeleez his bawnds!" she demands as she repeatedly smacks a riding crop into her palm. She's on a mission to return to the Pleasure Machine, but everybody seems to be stopping her. I think there are also robots or holocausts or something... I don't know, I fast forward through those parts. Anyhow, I think Valeria's hair is really beautiful and that she should have more scenes in this movie.


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Watch Out For The Sewer Worms!

This movie is a horrid amalgam of every film in sci-fi. It is part 'Battlestar Galactica', part 'Mad Max', part 'Squirm', part 'Star Wars', part 'Petticoat Planet', with just a sprinkling of 'Chickboxer' (only without the good production values) thrown in for good measure. It stars no one, to tell the truth, but ostensibly stars Norris Culf as 'Neo', and the busty Angelika Jager as 'Valeria'.

The plot, as much of it as can be discerned anyway, concerns a bunch of refugees from the civilization of "New Terra" after the horrible "robot rebellion of '33" laid waste to everything but the last city, which is clearly New York thanks to the hard to mistake, and now sorely missed, World Trade Center towers. The area outside the city is inhabited by 'air slaves' controlled by the Dark One, a big old computer with an attached glowing orb. Neo and his friends team up with a bunch of man-hating female warrior types, and go through a lot of challenges (like a bad Dungeons and Dragons set) to get to the 'Power Station' which is clearly a bad painting on cardboard. They have many challenges including very stupid robots and 'sewer worms', which are clearly hand puppets, to deal with, in addition to a single furry arm of a large spider which is very high in amusement value.

Nobody in this mess can act, and most notably inept are the leads, Culf and Jager. Jager struts around the whole time in a bizarre feather headdress (it's fashionable after the apocalypse, remember) with a weird European (German? Hungarian? Slovenian?) accent talking to the Dark One (which when she pronounces it sounds like 'Dargon' or 'Dar Kwon') and torturing a scientist, who is also a very bad actor. There is a subplot about the air slaves rebelling by taking the Power Station sand (?) and the misadventures of an extremely annoying (obvious 'Star Wars' rip-off) robot who has a bevy of useful attachments.

In a word: wretched.

The film was one of the first season movies mocked by MST3K, and I have not seen that, but it would be a great improvement on this mess. All told this is a dreadfully made film and I have given it three stars with a caveat. The caveat is this: if you really want a good, high quality piece of sci-fi entertainment, it should be avoided at absolutely all costs; if you want a funny and campy, badly made movie to laugh at or to torture your friends with, it would be difficult to do better than 'Robot Holocaust'!


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