No More Mr. Nice Guy! | Robert A. Glover | This small book packs a LOT of punch!

No More Mr. Nice Guy! | Robert A. Glover | NLPWeekly Review

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No More Mr. Nice Guy!

	No More Mr. Nice Guy! Robert A. Glover Running Press, 2003 - 192 pages average customer review:based on 51 reviews view larger image
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highly recommended

This small book packs a LOT of punch!

I have been struggling with social anxiety and the "Nice Guy Syndrome" for a VERY long time. Somehow I have managed to avoid this little gem of a book. Until now.

This is by far the most aggressive self-help book I have read. The author comes close to making you stand by a wall and bitch-slapping you until you GET it. (Of course, he cannot do that because it's just a book.) Although he didn't say anything I didn't already know, seeing a new perspective gave me a much-needed jolt of motivation to go and do something about myself.

We need more books like this. I find most self-help books are too careful not to stir any controversy and high emotion in the reader. That's why they don't work. This one's different.

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NLPWeekly Review

From the editor of NLPWeekly Magazine-

Robert Glover has done an excellent job with this book. It is an easy read, well crafted and thought provoking.

Since I bought and read No More Mr.Nice Guy, I have recommended it to numerous men everywhere. In my previous private practice, I also bought copies of it to male clients, who seemed to express that "Nice Guy" syndrome.

Don't expect a highly sophisticated psychological novel. The real power of this book is in its simplicity, and the straight forward advice Mr. Glover gives to all Mr. Nice Guy's.

If you're a man - READ IT.

Shlomo Vaknin, C.Ht
NLPWeekly

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Life changing

I purchased this book a few years back. At the time, I wanted to blame everyone else for my shortcomings. Recently I have read to book twice. Every man should have this book. This book is only good if you approach it with an open mind. Meaning if you are in denial about being a nice guy, this book or any other book wont help you. After years of being a nice guy and being disappointed, I am enjoying life alot more.

Very good, but flawed in some big ways

Overall, this is a very valuable book because it describes a common but debilitating problem with modern manhood. Where the author makes some bad mistakes are in two areas: 1) He doesn't define what niceness is, and 2) he gives the impression that selfishness is a good thing.

Regarding the first point: he should have noted that there are two kinds of nice guys. There are strong nice guys, who are the healthy type; and there are wimpy nice guys, who are what this book is all about. Glover associates all niceness with the wimpy nice guys. That's why he denigrates niceness so much. But he should have reminded us throughout the book that he was only attacking the wimpy form of niceness. He defines niceness in the wimpy manner, in fact; this leads many people to think it's simply bad to be nice. If you have been blessed with the strong kind of niceness, then this book is not for you. In fact, he should have put the word "Wimpy" in parentheses in front of "Nice" on the cover.

Regarding the second point: Glover states clearly that nice guys should make their needs a priority. He comes off as condoning selfishness. This is not what he intended, of course, because he even said so, but his wording clearly leaves that impression. He doesn't say anything about the need for compromise and sacrifice in a relationship; we all know they are needed to some extent. Glover really could have used a good editor more than anything.

The astute reader will know enough not to confuse things. But the author should have been clearer about the types of niceness, and the role of selfishness. The last thing that the suffering nice-guy community needs is to have the healthy parts of their niceness lumped in with the unhealthy parts.

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Look Beyond The Title

Though in my case it was the cover that hooked me into buying.

Most of us at some point in our lives went really overboard for a person, or maybe a job, and even though we tried really hard to impress, nothing worked. We blamed ourselves for not being good, or "nice" enough, and made a resolution to be doubly nice next time out.

Of course, the next time out was also a failure, leading to a redoubling of niceness, and so on ad infinitum.

No More Mr. Nice Guy presents to the reader the notion that "niceness", that is, suppressing one's dark side and eliminating one's quirks, in fact causes more problems that it solves.

Without giving away too much, the author spends a great deal of time setting up the problem by talking about how children develop in the face of imperfect parents and the effects of female dominance in early childhood. The explanation is plausible, but I'll have to leave it to more knowledgeable folks as to whether it's accurate. I would only add that he seems to neglect the effect of male competitiveness on one's outlook, especially for those who were not quite varsity material.

To me, Dr. Glover's treatment plan, given as exercises, hold more excitement. I especially like the suggestion that solitude can be healthy. One exercise I highly recommend is taking a vacation alone, or at least with someone besides your significant other. If the destination happens to be Amsterdam (or at least Las Vegas), so much the better. Expect some resistance, especially if your partner has bought into his / her own "Nice Person" mythology. What looks to one as a need to integrate might resemble a need to rebel to another.

That said, don't interpret the book as a manifesto to anti-feminism, self-absorption or crass behavior. It really is about reclaiming one's personal power and setting boundaries. It does so in an easy-to-understand and easy-to-follow manner.

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