For Women Only: What You Need to Know about the Inner Lives of Men | Shaunti Feldhahn

For Women Only: What You Need to Know about the Inner Lives of Men | Shaunti Feldhahn | Wish I read this 25 years ago!

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For Women Only: Wh...

	For Women Only: What You Need to Know about the Inner Lives of Men Shaunti Feldhahn Multnomah Books, 2004 - 208 pages average customer review:based on 226 reviews view larger image
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highly recommended

For Women only

I wish I had read this book at the beginning of my marriage, now 22 years later I am still doing the same thing I did when I first got married with no good results.

Now, I have started changing my remarks in public about my husband that I did not realize were detrimental to how he feels about himself. There are lots of things I never truly realized about men. We are so totally different. I complained about him working long hours and that is one way he is saying he loves me and the kids by providing for us. To me that is a sacrifice to the family, and yet to him it is the man's job.

Just little things like that to help me see things in a different perspective.

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Wish I read this 25 years ago!

This simple, easy read is fabulous for getting women to see things from the man's perspective. When my husband and I were first married we figured that we were basically the same and so we put ourselves in the other person's shoes in order to make decisions about how to behave and what to say. This eye opening book shows that you really can't just put yourself in the other person's shoes because the other person is fundamentally different! Great book. Read this before you get married or when you are first married! Don't wait for your silver anniversary to read it!!!

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Hard to swallow but very good.

Just because I think he has thick skin doesn't mean he does when it comes to the things I, as his wife, say. I was hard to take some of this stuff because it isn't talked about in society and it makes it hard to understand. She goes past just saying "men are visual" and actually describes what that means from a mans perspective. My husband was practically in tears when he realized I really was interested in knowing him better. In fact, when I mentioned there was a companion "For men only" he told me to get it. (this from the man who cringes at spending $0.50).

God created men different for a reason. If we really want to understand the majority (there are always exceptions) then this is a great place to start. I think it'll start being my wedding gift to couples.

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IT shows a lack of objectivity.

The insights are very appropriate for all married people, because they will open the discussion, and they do so in very clever and insightful ways. = There are good and bad with past, as with present, marriage practices, and to suggest otherwise shows a lack of objectivity.
I also for women and men recommend I Love You. Now What?: Falling in Love is a Mystery, Keeping It Isn't

For Men Only vs For Women Only - Comparing the Reviews

Both books were interesting. But scanning the reviews for both books today was more illuminating.

"For Men Only" - helping men figure out their fairer partner - has garnered about 90 comments so far. The few negative reviews were from two apparently unhappily-married guys, and a woman suggesting if you didn't already know what women wanted you were clueless. The rest, often by women (my best guess here, given the pronouns and screen names used by reviewers), offered glowing commentary of how important it is to understand and meet a woman's needs. Ah, the importance of patience, kindness, listening. My favorites were the ones in all capitals and exclamation points. Yes, yes, YES, YES!!!

Now scan the "For Women Only" comments - all 212 of them to date. So far there are 29 negative reviews (including 16 "1 star" votes) about a book on how ladies can better love their men. There were a few unhappy guys, some complaining the book wasn't "biblical" enough, but the bulk are from ladies insulted (!) by the idea of compromising their feminine selves for some man.

The ladies offered such loving things as:

"Unfortunately, this book is only going to help you if you're a fat nagging religious close minded wife who's let herself go."

"The entire book was about stroking a man's ego at the expense of anything the woman may want."

"This book is full of generalizations and stereotypes that should have gone out of fashion at the same time as beehive hairdos."

"If you want to find a reason to play into all of the broad societal expectations about your personal appearance, your sexual boundaries, and general steps to becoming a Stepford wife, then this is your book!"

Or my favorite: "There is an underlying "good" here that is twisted in a package that will be ultimately damaging to our children and to ourselves. Yes, we must be careful of our spouse's emotional, physical, sexual, and relational needs. But we must do this out of love and respect that is guided by a sense of mutuality in the marriage relationship, not by catering to an unhealthy sense of self-worth that is so pervasive in the responses of Feldhahn's participants. Feldhahn has taken these unhealthy responses and twisted them into normal "healthy" responses that women must then take care of through their behavior and appearance. We should not buy into this myth. Rather, we should take seriously the feelings of low self-esteem, poor attachment, and an un-Biblical view of the role of women in a marriage relationship that were demonstrated by the participant's responses and work to improve the messages we are sending the men in our society."

Obviously a graduate of Women's Studies at Wellesley College.

Now, don't get me wrong. The large majority of both men and women who read these two books found them helpful in understanding the opposite sex a little better. Most couples also found them to be good conversation-starters, important for any relationship. Having scanned both I also thought there was plenty of useful info in each.

It's hard, though, to miss all of the gracious thoughts liberally applied to "his book about her," compared to what seems like a sort of begrudging admission in the other that, well, men like being loved too, as long as it meets faminine approval.

Speaking of usefulness, perhaps the person these books helped the most was a former boyfriend of a Ms. Rhonda Pyle of Corpus, TX:

"My boyfriend gave me this book in hopes that I would read it and think that what it was saying was insightful and profound. He thought it could help make me into the woman he wanted me to be. I just want to say to the women that are considering buying this book: I broke up with my boyfriend of two years - who I was going to marry - shortly after he gave me this unhelpful, uninspired piece of material. I was glad though; it revealed to me the kind of man he was. I don't think this helped me understand men more; it just made excuses for them. I remember thinking how often it excused men's insecurities and how women should just be OK with this obvious fault. I'm a Christian woman, but I don't believe that women have to be pushovers for men in order to be a righteous woman in their marriages..."

Wherever you are, bro, count your blessings. Thanks to this little book you dodged a bullet.

Perhaps Ms. Rhonda's unwittingly found the most important reason to buy Shaunti's stuff: Give a copy to your (prospective) mate and see what happens. If it gets devoured and put into action, you're a lucky guy/gal. If it remains un-opened on the nightstand or ends up in the garbage disposal, perhaps you should reconsider your options...

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