The Road Less Traveled, 25th Anniversary Edition : A New Psychology of Love, Traditional Values...

The Road Less Traveled, 25th Anniversary Edition : A New Psychology of Love, Traditional Values and Spiritual ... | M. Scott Peck | A Mix of Psychotherapy and Spirituality (if they are to be separate at all)

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The Road Less Trav...

	The Road Less Traveled, 25th Anniversary Edition : A New Psychology of Love, Traditional Values and Spiritual ... M. Scott Peck Touchstone, 2003 - 320 pages average customer review:based on 179 reviews view larger image
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highly recommended

An Outline of The Road Less Traveled - Original Edition

INTRODUCTION - Assumptions: 1) mind = spirit, mental growth = spiritual growth, 2) process of spiritual growth is a complex, arduous and lifelong task
PART I - DISCIPLINE = Basic set of tools to solve life's problems = means to spiritual evolution.
Comments - life is difficult, life is a set of problems. Confronting and solving these problems can be painful (often it involves suffering), but doing so gives life its meaning and leads to growth. Avoidance of problems is the primary basis of mental illness. Discipline is a system of techniques; there are no shortcuts to sainthood. Discipline involves four techniques for experiencing pain (suffering) constructively:
1) - Delaying Gratification - schedule pain and pleasure so that we get pain over with first. The quality of parenting is determinative in children developing this discipline. Irrational or global punishment is undisciplined discipline and worthless. Good discipline requires good role modeling, love, time and genuine caring. Children need self-disciplined role models, a sense of self-worth and a trust in the safety of their existence.
2) - Acceptance of Responsibility - we must accept responsibility for a problem before we can solve it. Neurotics accept too much responsibility and are plagued with I "ought to"; those with character disorders don't accept enough responsibility and feel I "had to". Escape from the freedom and responsibility of choosing is common to mental illness; adopting a "victim" mentality is far easier.
3) - Dedication to Truth - truth is the reality map we use to negotiate life's journey, but maps need constant revision. People will cling inappropriately to old maps (transference), but truth must be more vital to our self-interest than our comfort. This requires openness to challenge and seeking psychiatric help is a legitimate shortcut to openness. Lying (either black = whole woof, or white = partial on purpose) is used to avoid the truth. Three considerations help use truth compassionately: a) Never speak a falsehood, b) Withhold truth only in light of moral consequences but never for purely personal needs, just on the basis of the other person's needs (and this requires genuine love for the other), c) The primary factor in deciding to withhold the truth is the person's ability to utilize the truth for spiritual growth; the capacity for doing this is usually underestimated.
4) - Balance - flexibility and judgment are required in discipline. Judgment must regulate emotion perhaps to express rather than, as usual, suppress. Essence of the discipline of balancing is "giving up" --- sometimes giving up life styles or behaviors (e.g., necessity to win). Depression is often from the feeling of giving up something loved. Bracketing is balancing the need for assertion of the self with a need for putting one's self aside. Our lifetimes are series of simultaneous deaths and births. Life can be free from emotional pain because spiritual evolution yields extraordinary joy and love.
PART II - LOVE = The motive and energy for discipline = the will to extend one's self for the purpose of nurturing one's own or another's spiritual growth. This definition emphasizes that love depends on a conscious or unconscious purpose, includes self-love with love for others, requires effort, requires will (which is desire resulting in action), and involves an active choice.
What Love Is Not - 1) - Falling in love is a temporary erotic experience involving a collapse of our ego boundaries (this is neither an act of will, nor an extension of one's self and has little to do with nurturing). It can be a trap to marriage.
2) - Romantic love (a myth, like falling in love) can stultify growth rather than extend ego boundaries (mysticism is the belief that reality is oneness, but we must find ourselves before we can lose ourselves in oneness or in a beloved).
3) - Dependency (= inability to experience wholeness without being cared about) is a passive, not active relationship (addictive personalities are dependent on externals and unconcerned with spiritual growth).
4) - Cathexis (= emotional attachment to a person or thing, e.g., love of money or golf or a pet). Only humans can grow spiritually through love; love is not merely giving but judicious giving and withholding.
5) - Self-sacrifice that is given to meet one's own needs without regard to the spiritual needs of the receiver.
6) - A feeling; the feeling of love is the emotion of cathecting, not of loving. Genuine love implies a commitment and an exercise of wisdom.
What Love Is: 1) - A work of attention; listening, total concentration and empathy (non-love is laziness or alternative focus)
2) - A risk of loss to evolve from mere cathexis, requiring the courage to change.
3) - A risk of independence in which one must accept opportunities for one's own destiny, i.e., to grow up.
4) - A risk of commitment to a relationship of constancy, self-confrontation and extension.
5) - A risk of confrontation; exercising power with humility; self-scrutiny must precede criticism for we must realize we are playing God.
6) - A disciplined relationship; one's feelings are a source of energy, but an energy that needs to be mastered by constant judgment and continuing adjustment.
7) - Separateness wherein a distinction between oneself and the beloved is maintained. If the focus is on oneself, then narcissism results; marriage is likened to a base camp for individuals to make their unique mountain ascents.
8) - A relationship that can benefit from the mutual guidance of psychotherapy.
9) - A product of grace. Grace is the source of love.
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{The following are notes on love from an article by Tim Foard which reinforces many of the ideas presented by Peck. Unfortunately, I didn't record where the article was published, nor have I been able to find any information about Mr. Foard (not even on Google!)]: Many mistake the feelings of, say, kindness, affection, attraction or tenderness for love, but no feeling ever constitutes love. Love is not an emotion, but a will like, say, sincerity, patience, justice or mercy. Every type of legitimate love is rooted in disinterested love; love is good-willing. It is a commitment to benevolence regardless of self-benefit or feelings involved. Love based only on feelings is always self-motivated and is only as consistent as the desire that creates it. So, many supposedly "in love" display jealousy, usury, dishonesty, impatience and fickleness - stronger emotions! When trouble arises true love shows willingness to adjust (make sacrifices, swallow pride, etc.). Disinterested love establishes lasting friendships (that grow in candor and trust). Love doesn't depend on the return one gets. Love provides the basis for a beneficial, reasonable, self-love, a willing of one's own and other's good in balanced proportion.}
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PART III - GROWTH AND RELIGION - Religion = our understanding of what life is all about; (thus, everyone has a religion!)
World Views and Religion- There is an extraordinary variability in the depth and sophistication of religion in the sense defined above; this understanding of religion doesn't require belief in God, insistence on some necessary practices or membership in a given organization.
Everyone has some implicit or explicit set of ideas about the world; e.g., that it is chaotic and meaningless, ruthless and cruel or nurturing and benevolent, owes them a living, is full of rigid laws that must be followed, etc.
Our world view (a.k.a. religion) is incompletely conscious and one's real religion may not be what one claims it is.
Our world views develop in our formative years by what we sense around us (often from others behavior more than what they tell us).
Since world views are individualistic and fragmentary, conflicts often result; in this sense all wars are holy wars.
The Religion of Science - Spiritual growth is a journey from a microcosm into an ever enlarging macrocosm. The path to holiness lies through questioning everything! Some find this happens in college where the religion of their parents is replaced by the religion of science.
Tenets of the Scientific World View (Religion):
1) - The world is real and a valid object to examine.
2) - Examining the universe is of value for human beings.
3) - The universe makes sense.
4) - The scientific method is a necessary discipline since humans tend to see what they want to and, thus, are susceptible of being biased, superstitious and prejudiced.
5) - Experience requires verification (preferably by controlled repetition).
Thus, science can be seen to be a religion of skepticism. Science is an improvement over unquestioning faith, but science has difficulty with the reality of God. Science looks at the history of the belief in God and sees dogmatism, wars, inquisitions, persecutions, etc., with those professing brotherhood killing others in the name of faith. In this respect, religion has a pretty poor track record.
Is Belief in God a Sickness? Freud viewed religion as a neurosis. Clinical data suggest that a therapist may enter a therapeutic alliance to work through church-inspired guilt and sin. Peck cites three cases from his experience with patients to answer the question "Is God a psychopathology?" He concludes that the answer is complex, both yes and no; mostly dogmatism, not religion, is at fault. Perhaps a skeptical agnosticism is needed to go on to spiritual maturity. But carried to an extreme, this results in tunnel vision where evidence for God is neglected by those who forget that scientists now realize that paradox is real and some phenomena lie outside the applicability of the scientific method.
PART IV - GRACE = a force that operates routinely in most people to protect and foster their mental health (a phenomenon unexplainable within the framework of modern science).
The Miracle of the Unconscious - perhaps up to 95% of mental activity is unconscious and we become aware of this activity only through:
1) - Dreams - are routinely helpful in various forms - guides to problem solving, warnings of personal pitfalls, indications that something is wrong when we think it is right or that something is right when we think it is wrong.
2) - Idle thoughts - musings that unexpectedly come up with ideas that we may have struggled to reach.
3) - Freudian slips - unintended behaviors that reveal how we really view apparent situations.
Our conscious self-concept almost always diverges from the reality of who we are; our unconscious is wiser and more fully aware than we are. Jung's experiences led him to talk of the wisdom of the unconscious and to suspect that we are all in contact with a universal unconscious, a collective store of wisdom.
Serendipity = a paranormal phenomenon in which highly implausible events occur with no natural cause and with implausible frequency. These events often produce benefits, perhaps, in proportion to the extent to which they are recognized and appreciated.
Grace = a powerful force originating outside of human consciousness which nurtures the spiritual growth of human beings. Spiritual growth is the miraculous evolution of an individual which counters entropy in that it increases organization. It requires effort, involves all of humanity and is powered by the force of love.
The Alpha and the Omega - Where does this love come from? No one has come up with a better hypothesis than there is a God who loves us and wants us to grow; God wants us to become God. Spiritual life begins and ends with God. The fact that we are being nurtured to reach godhead brings us face to face with our own worst enemy, our own laziness.
Entropy and Original Sin - Non-love is the unwillingness to extend one's self; laziness is love's opposite. In the Garden of Eden (metaphor), Adam and Eve failed to obey, but more significantly, they failed to seek from God why they should obey; they avoided the time, energy, suffering, struggle and possibility of rejection that their questioning might require. The original sin was taking the easy way out.
A major form that laziness takes is fear - often the fear of change. The fight against entropy never ends; our healthy self (which we all have) must always be vigilant against our sick self (which we all also have).
The Problem of Evil - psychology has, up to now, acted mainly as if evil didn't exist. Peck's clinical experience has led him to conclude: 1) - Evil is real - there are people and institutions who respond to goodness with hatred and seek to destroy the good often in the name of some misidentified greater good. 2) - Evil is laziness carried to its extreme; evil people actively avoid extending themselves. Ordinary laziness is non-love; evil is anti-love. 3) - The existence of evil is unavoidable at this stage of human evolution; the force of entropy and the possession of free will make inevitable the existence of those who work against love. 4) - In entropy's most extreme form (human evil), it is strangely effective as a positive social force in that the outrage against it saves many from its excesses.
The Evolution of Consciousness - spiritual growth is the coming to consciousness of the knowledge that the unconscious possesses - the knowledge which we need is there because God's wisdom is within us, and within the collective unconscious. Our goal is to become God while preserving consciousness.
The Nature of Power - there are two kinds of power: 1) - political = the power to coerce others. 2) - spiritual = the capacity to make decisions with maximum awareness. The latter power is a factor in the calm ecstasy of being able to feel "not my will but thine".
The Welcoming of Grace - redefine serendipity not as a gift, but as a learned capacity to recognize and utilize the gifts of grace which come from beyond the realm of conscious will. We live our lives in the eye of God, in God's loving concern. The reality of grace indicates that humanity spiritually, if not physically, has a rightful place at the center of the universe.

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A Mix of Psychotherapy and Spirituality (if they are to be separate at all)

A book that is a real treasure for any human being, and for animals too if they could read. Certainly you will come across things that you already thought of yourself, but it never hurts to see your own intuitions "confirmed" by "specialists". I think this book should be mandatory, because everyone has, to some extent, psycho-material to heal and even if you're perfectly ok, there are people around you who may not be, and reading this book can be a first step in helping, others or yourself.

Peck provides lived examples of the things he put forward; it is very easy to understand and so it is accessible for anyone; you don't need to be learned in psychology or psychiatry at all.

If I had to make a list of 100 books I'd recommend you carry with you on an island, that one would be of them; and I truly think it should be some mandatory reading in schools and else.

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Life changing Book

I am writing this review a little late, I read it 10 years ago. At that time I was an insecure, married, stay at home mother of three. After reading The Road Less Traveled, I knew that I could alter the path my life was going. I had become so despondant with my lack of education and feelings of inadequecy that I had become moderately depressed. Dr. Peck changed my life. After reading this book I now knew that I could 'change my map' and by doing so would one day see the light at the end of the tunnel. The first day of walking up the hill to my first college classes seemed like the neverending road, but I made it. I graduated Summa Cum Laude and am now a teacher. My marriage and family are happier because I am happy with who I am. This book changed my life. Dr. Peck's other books have all been worthwhile for me to read, but this first book empacted me like none ever has. My gratitude to you Dr. Peck.

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Life is difficult...

I read this book and the sequel, People of the Lie around the time that they came out. I was stunned by Peck's honesty. The stories of how he and his patients struggle with the problems and obstacles that confront them are amazing.

We don't want to hear that life is difficult. We want to buy something, toothpaste, hair dye, a new car, or find a new relationship that will make things easy for us.

Whenever I need some encouragement, I just find these books on my book shelf.

A Gift I Had Been Looking For

Upon finishing this book (and during the duration of reading it), I found myself even more disconnected and lonely than I have become accustomed to over the years. It was a strange experience because in retrospect of what I just read the night before of the first three sections, I could not pinpoint what it was that had so drastically changed my outlook and demeanor on the present night. People noticed a difference in me, asked if I was tired or feeling okay. Then, as if it all came together, I realized that I was mirroring exactly what it is Dr. Peck explains in his musings on discipline and love. I had encountered a truth in my life (and in life as a whole for that matter), and responded to it with a sense of solace and lack of drive. I was reading something my consciousness did not want to address and thereby it left the world as I had known it just the day before starting this book forever changed and lost to me. It was only when I moved into the forth and final section of the book which addresses the nature of God that the redeeming quality of the inevitability of life's suffering, which is the general theme of the work, became palpable to my sensibility.

Yet I've noticed a common theme of those who lack a set religion lambasting this book due to its obvious spirituality. Perhaps my own story can diversify the response. I myself follow no set institution of religion. I have no concept of one religious philosophy as being superior to another yet still, the one thing that I will never be able to accept is the notion of the lack of a higher power. Atheists like to fancy themselves intellectually superior, believing that by accepting only what they can see they somehow rise above the ranks, whereby in my opinion they meet the very contradiction of their philosophy. The evidence of Spirit is all around us, echoed most poetically in the fact that we exist. How is it possibly for us simple to be? No purpose, no endgame, just here we are, nothing exists outside of this reality. For my own humble perspective, that's more ludicrous than the notion that something outside of this reality has brought us forth and that this something has done so with benevolent intentions so that we may reflect on what it is to be and to know what it knows. Having always struggled with issues of cosmic-inferiority, whereby I could not fathom how in a universe that knows no bounds where we are merely tiny little animals that inhabit a tiny little planet that orbits a star within a galaxy of billions we could be seen as something more than utterly unimportant and lost in the mass of all that is, this book's final section provided musings I've longed for for a very long time. Of particular impact was Dr. Peck's assumption that if the universe is infact so vast and never-ending, then should we not by the mere fact that we exist and in a single lifetime may experience a million miracles, both small and large, that bring us ever closer to oneness with the Spirit, thereby see ourselves as the center of the universe, as somehow chosen and given as a gift the universe in all her mystery to use as our steppingstone for personal growth and ultimately the assumption of the role of God Him(or Her/Its)self. It's borderline Ayn Rand Individualism, but from a much more humble and spiritual approach. Obviously this book can't be everything for everyone, and there are for my taste minor missteps in the discussion of love (thus the missing star), yet still I will brave stepping right into the line of cliché by admitting that I can honestly say that this book has changed my life.

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